I recently had a conversation with a new friend who shared with me that she has been holding on to her weight because she wants to be relatable. As her business grows and she becomes more confident, she doesn't want to feel that people judge her or are un-accepting. They she will be viewed as conceited or higher than thou.
It got me thinking:
it is such a shame that women rarely feel comfortable and safe around each other. Why is that?
One summer when I was 7 or 8 years old, there was a group of girls who sold lemonade outside of a penny candy store that was in the neighborhood. They sold it for $1- steep for lemonade but people would pay anything when there were three sweet girls peddling it.
I wanted desperately to join their group and be a part of it. They were the "cool" girls and even at that age, I knew the feeling of wanting to be accepted for who I was, and be "cool".
So I kept my distance and watched.
Being the entrepreneur that I was, I came up with my own little business. I collected all the beautiful flowers that I could find in the yard and garden, and asked my neighbors if I could use some of their flowers to make bouquets. I wore my cutest outfit (a white jumper with pink, purple and yellow flowers) and pulled my hair up in my best side pony tail and set up shop! I decided that if they were able to get $1 for lemonade that was gone in a second, I would be able to ask $5 for flowers that would last a week and would look and smell lovely. Within the first hour I had almost sold out and I had a few people lingering around checking out my wares.
The girls from the lemonade stand were done for the day and were coolly walking by. I got up and slowly started to approach. I was going to invite them over to show them what I had been doing and even offer to give them each a flower.
I heard two of the girls start to snicker and then they said loud enough for me to hear as they walked by "what a dumb idea, she is never going to sell stupid flowers".
I was shocked and confused. I was embarrassed, and incredibly sad. What did I do? How could they be so mean?
My mother explained that some people get jealous of others who shine brightly, of people who are confident. They will do anything, to take you down a notch so they can feel better about themselves.
As I grew up, there were always people who applauded my successes, but the moments of kids calling me "horsey dorsey" or "Oompa Loompa" or making fun of the cold sore on my lip and calling me "booger lip" or girls coming up to me at a dance and saying to my dance partner "why are you dancing with HER?". Stood out a lot more.
So I learned to be cautious, to play small, to assume that no one at a party or at my new school was going to like me until I convinced them otherwise.. I went through life assuming that I wasn't enough. That I wasn't skinny enough, pretty enough, or cool enough.
And then I realized that I was holding on to 30 extra pounds because it was "safer". I wouldn't get noticed by men or women and have to feel uncool all over again. I was holding back from following dreams and building my business because its "safer". Why would woman listen to me about health and wellness when I myself am not a skinny minny?
Because if I held the belief that I was beautiful, and I had the body and life that I loved, mean girls would just tear me down and say how stupid I was.
Sometimes, I felt like no one really "got me".
Do you ever feel like that?
I became so uncomfortable in my body, my business was not really growing, I was ready to explode. I had to do something about it.
I decided to find women that were going to love and support me no matter how thin, successful or confident I became and the rest, well they could go take a hike.
I have to tell you, there is nothing more freeing than finding a community of women who cheer you on when you want to ask for a promotion, when you vow to make six figures this year, when you dedicate yourself to having the most amazing relationship, when you show up looking radiant and vibrant in your body and they give you a hug and high five for rocking it.
Go find them.
And if you don't know where to look, you may want to consider coming to
No one in the group says "I can't believe that bitch lost 20 pounds", "I am going to be the oldest one there", I don't have the money for my health and happiness,"I don't deserve it", "I really should lose 20 pounds before I go".
None of that is really true. You just need to get your ass in gear and sign up!
Here is the honest truth:
your body, career, lifestyle and relationship is now where you want it to be because YOU are deliberately holding yourself back.
The only way to get out of your own way is to start hanging out with a group of who finally support and "get you".
You can learn the theory of weight loss, relationships, or work out until the cows come home, but if you are living in fear of how the "mean girl" are going to judge you, then you are never going to change.
In my Live More, Weigh Less I am promising a complete transformation by having you experience a deep and ground breaking work in a community of the most loving, supportive and applauding women.
The members are already making friends and cheering each other on in our private Live More, Weigh Less Facebook group and they can't wait to meet you.
If you have been a victim of mean girls, you are letting them win by playing small. It's time to really step it up, and I would love to help you with that.
You can read all about the Live More, Weigh Less program here:
I really hope you will join us.